Ways to Have More Soulful Yet Downright Wild Sex

Sex is alchemy. It’s an opportunity to use the physical body to consciously shape-shift, change the emotional state, and elevate consciousness. Your sexual energy is the most powerful energy you own. With practice you can harness it to help you spiritually transform, and truly live your best life.

In our last article, we touched on what it means to have sex for your soul. Below, we’re sharing ways to put the concept to use in the bedroom.


In order to have a mindful experience through sex, you have to first claim your erotic self so you can channel your sexual energy directly. Opening lines of communication with your partner is helpful, but not necessary. You can let them know what you like or want in bed—that’s fair. And for those in a long-term deal, transparency builds mutual trust, and feeling understood creates a safety net for your soul and psyche to take that leap to expand intimately.


Breath will get you there. When you deepen and slow your breath, you open 72,000 energetic pathways (nadis) in your body. This relaxes you and increases blood flow (which can lead to fuller, more pleasurable orgasms). Breathing also deeply calms the mind and softens the ego.


Lie down with your partner and simply enjoy the other’s closeness. Caress each other. Regard their body as a key to the temple, and know that the temple is YOU. They can help you unlock a part of yourself that you might not have access to on your own. Just as you are connecting to your own breathing, try synchronizing your breathing with your partner’s for even more presence. Remember, when we focus on the breath throughout sex, we move into a more “feeling state” connecting us to our energetic, spiritual body. Deep, deliberate breaths here … and all the way through (if you remember nothing else, let it be this).

Soul gazing

Another great way to roll with that connection is by staring into each other’s eyes to build emotional attunement and energetic fusion. Sit across from each other and take your partner in, like an open-eye meditation, even just for a few moments. Make and hold gentle eye contact. Observe what you see in the other person and how it feels to be truly seen. Notice the discomfort, or laughter if it arises, and stay with it. INTIMACY can sound like: Into Me I See. Which is the goal here.


In the same vein, to turn this lovemaking session into sexual magic—a gateway for spiritual evolution and deep healing—set an intention or say a prayer beforehand. Ask that it be a ritual that brings both you and your partner into your Highest Self. If you’ve had a fight before, ask that it help you soften and forgive. You can also intend that it bring you closer, or that you connect to your very own heart space.

Sex happens through the senses. By taking your time smelling, tasting, and touching each other, it brings you into presence, shutting the mind down, so you can go past its chatter and judgments. Drop into the sounds of your breath, your noises, or words, allowing them to take you out of a mental narrative. An aphrodisiac oil, like Shiva Rose’s Love Oil, can help set the stage for connecting, warming up to your partner, and turning you both on as you sensually explore.


Give yourself over to the passion, the pleasure, and the person. Let the small self die a small death in the arms of your lover. Release all limiting ideas of “sexy,” and of any expectations of “what it should be.” Surrender to the experience itself, and watch where you hold back, pushing yourself gently past those internal blocks.


Once you’re making love, stay with the breath to expand the energy and draw it up the spine. Visualize the flow of spiritual energy, normally coiled at the base of the spine, moving upwards through the chakras by way of your belly, chest, and back, and picture it spiraling back to your partner again. This creates a tantric loop of contained synergy that will transport you to other levels of deep enjoyment. You can also imagine the infinity sign, a figure 8, going between your heart and theirs, linking you both in this suspended moment.

O Time

When you feel the inkling of an orgasm making its way onto the scene, just breathe deeply, allow it to be, without focusing or announcing its arrival, and feel that wave rolling through you. Allow it to ascend upwards through your spinal column, moving up to the top of your head.

Heart center

As the intensity subsides, be present with all the feels, then come to rest your focus in the heart center. Notice the pulsing warmth throughout your body, and drop down into your heart. Connect with the constant rhythm of your heartbeat. Feel the love that comes from there. Notice your connection to you. See how you can transmute these sensations into feeling love for yourself. Then feel how it radiates out to your lover, and then farther out to your surroundings.